I have to post about this.

So while at my aunts house for New Years, I took a little nap because ive been so tired.
So I wake up like 20 minutes later, to my brother saying something to me.
He says "Chino doesnt love you. Oscar loves you. You will marry Oscar."
It was so depressing. Like what even?
On the car ride to my Aunts house, we started talking about him too.
I told then about how I officially stopped caring about him.
My mom told me I was stupid and that i'd regret it soon.
My brother said "well if you ask me he's been your best boyfriend. I liked him."
I'm so tired of not even knowing.
Like jngdhxnbdgk
Forget life.
I wish life was a game and i could just hit the quit button whenever I wanted to.

Last Night.

It could have been better.
Let me explain.
My boyfriend, my friend Emily, and I went out to the movies last night to watch Sherlock Homes.
Emily and I are as close as best friends could get. I've never really had a best friend but Emily is defiantly my definition of one. Anyways so we went out to the movies and it was so good to finally see my boyfriend after about two weeks.
While at the movies Emily was talking about going out to see this guy she likes after the movies.
I was totally down Well it turns out the movie was much longer than expected so in order to be home before she breaks curfew, we had to leave the movie early. I felt so terrible.
So we set out for this guys house and when we get there, we literally sit out there for about 30 minutes before we have to go up to the door and ring the doorbell. Who opens? His mom. Where's this boy? "He's sleeping." She likes him so much it worries me that she'll make up excuses for him.
So I'm going to make a pros and cons list of last night to help sort my brain out.
PROS: 

• I saw Emily
• I saw Juan (boyfriend)
• Had a good time at the movies
• He gave me butterflies
• Went on an actual adventure 
• Broke curfew by a few minutes for the first time ever. 
• Stayed in an empty house
• Stayed up til four watching the blind side <3 

CONS:

• Got lost
• Had to leave movies early.
• Went to a random guys house at 9 at night only to have the door answered by his mom
• It was cold

I suppose overall it was a goodnight. Reguardless of how the night went, I still adore both of these kids with so much of my heart(: They keep me sane <3

Christmas.

The magic of Christmas rubbed off a long time ago.
In fact, it was December 19th, 2006 i believe when Christmas started being just another day to me.
It was the last day of fourth grade for the semester and we were having a party.
My principal came in and told us about how one of our classmates had died.
She was my best friend.
After that, Christmas never seemed the same.
There was no excitement for opening presents or waking up early.
It was simply just another day.
This year is no exception.
There were a couple of things I wanted before going back to school on the 4th.
Last night I brought them all up to my mom.
She laughed at all of them and said no.
There was only one that she said "we'll go back to that one later"
Which in her world means "No, so dont ask me again."
For the most part they were simple things such as dying my hair, taking vitamins, buying a puppy, and getting glasses.
I'm just ready for all of this to go away.
Actually, I say that because im jealous of the 5 year olds who think Santa's trying to sneak around the house when they're sleeping.
Or how staying up til midnight was the toughest thing to do, but you'd do anything to open your presents.
But today, and tomorrow will be just another day for me.

The Rules of a Gentleman

So a friend of mine sent me this blog
THIS ONE.
And All day i've been reading all of the rules.
And it made me realize.
My boyfriend is so good to me.
I know im young, and this is probably only young love,
and will never be anything more,
but i really like it.
He treats me so well and it's so different than all of my past relationships. I actually really like him :3
I used to play this game with an old friend, its called secretly. Ever since we stopped talking ive had no one to play with (lol pathetic :3) so im gonna play it here (: (lolol even more pathetic)
Secretly, I think I am truly falling for this boy <3
I trust him with everything I have. In fact, I'm writing him a list of all the things he doesnt know about me. All the secrets I hide from the rest of the world. I'm nervous to give it to him, but at the same time I'm ready(:
Theres so many things I wish i could tell him to his face but im so scared for rejection, even from a boy that ive been with for three months already. I'm scared to tell him I love him, and scared to tell him how much he means to me. And when he asks about my past? My heart aches of fear that he will deny me for the rest of time. I've never worried about these things before. EVER. with any guy. If it were any other guy, i wouldnt even have to worry about telling them, I wouldnt care. But this guy, hes special. He's very different. He is, Mine <3

Everything Will Be Okay(:

I always tell myself everything will be okay.
I know it will. Eventually.
A friend of mine is going through a very tough heartbreak that is similar to one I had a while back.
I only wish I knew how to get over it back then. Heartbreaks are never easy, but I wish I knew all the shortcuts to fixing them.
Right now, Im dating a really amazing guy. Even though most times I act like I dont care, its because im protecting myself. I'm not letting it happen again. The last guy hurt so bad that even a year later, some days I just cant help but cry because of it, I dont even have feelings for the guy. Its all just the memories and the pain that I went through.
My point in this, is that I know us teenage girls, and I know our hearts are so fragile, but the boy who just hurt you is just one boy. I promise you that one day you'll look back and thank this boy for what he taught you. One day the boy whos worth it will walk into your life and you'll know it. Hes going to love you for who you are. You're going to love him for who he is, and how he treats you, and how he treats your family, and your friends, and because hes tall, dark, and handsome :3 I dont care if you love him because hes a football player. Just know that you love him, and i mean truly love him.
If you're having a bad day, guess what? I HAVE ADVICE FOR YOU TOO(:
Times seem tough right now, and i hate to sound so cliche, but things will get better i promise you. Always remember, The Grass Is Always Greener. YOU have it so much better than someone right now. Even if you feel like your life is worthless and you feel like giving up, remember someone has it worse. I wish we all had the answers to all of our questions, but thats the point of life, its to find them on our own by going through all these different experiences and living through our answers.
So i really hope this helped at least one person feel better to some degree. Just always remember that there is SOMEONE out there who truly loves you, so dont be afraid to take chances. <3

Ahhhh..

So thanksgiving break was very nessicary.
I slept. sooo much. it was greatness.
I saw my boyfriend for a bit, and i saw a few friends.
On tuesday i went to the movies with Nando, Casey and Briana.
Casey and Briana are two of the most amazing girls ever and I love them so much.
Wednesday Casey came over and we just hung. Tons of cheer stuff got finalized so it was great(:
Thursday My friend Marcos whos in college this year, came over for about four hours and I loved them.
He has always been such a good friend to me and the few times i see him Im really happy.
Friday my friend Zoe came over for a bit and Lexi R cam to spend the night. ahh. This girl is so crazy.
All of these people are so great. they always make me smile. <3
As for cheer, im excited. we're ordering uniforms (hopefully) Tomorrow, or thursday. or at the very latest, Saturday :D
I am veeeerrryyy excited about it because the uniforms are so cute(:
Winter guard news: I got a spot on the riffle line! :D It doesnt garentee a spot for sabor, but it increases them(:
Oh gosh im so excited. First competition at OUR school on Jan 28th Chino (my boyfriend) has agreed to do floor crew which means hes gonna be at every competion.
Im so excited. cause that means we'll have more time together(:
Although its only monday im already so tired! SIGH.
Relaxing sounds good.. haha
Good night <3

Best Friends.

They get you through everything.
They consist of your life in high school
You have the best memories with them.
You do the craziest things with them.
Well, what if you're like me, and you dont really have a best friend
Or best friendS?
Of course i have friends, but they're all always there for me.
I hang out with all of them.
I do craqzy things with all of them.
Or, what if your best friend moved to Kansas and you have been assured that shes your best friend?
INSERT DRAMATIC SIGH HERE.
Although my friend Alexis has moved, we still talk sometimes.
and some days im like "oh hey lexi. blah blah blah"
But other days i miss her like crazy.
Todays one of those. I miss all the crazy stuff we used to do,
like sneaking into her school dance,
sneaking OUT of a middle school dance
hiding in a science lab
riding the after school bus together,
her coming home with me.
her surprising me at my school.
All of our inside jokes that we would be so excited about whenever they came up.
Being in the middle school play together
Disliking each others guts when we first met but laughing about it now <3
Helping me get through one of thee toughest break ups in the history!
I love this girl so much, and i miss her.
<3

P.S.

The one person I miss the most, is the one I feel the most distant from...
I miss the way things used to be.
I wish I could go back to middle school when everything was so simple and so easy.
God I miss it.
I miss knowing who to go to when i needed something.
I miss trusting my teachers.
I miss the way somehow, everyone was friends
I truly felt like we were a family.
Now, I dont know what to think.
I dont know who to trust, or who to run to, or anything.
I just want to leave high school.
I hate it.
iroknh wiO:KTLNg haejwL><nmw rTHKJM,

^^^ The good ole days.
Goodnight. 

Coincidence?

Today, i made plans with some friends and my boyfriend to go out to the movies.
It ended up only being me, my friend Briana, my friend Casey, and my friend Fernando (Nando)
It really upset me that my boyfriend didnt go because i was really looking forward to seeing him.
but whatever right? Everything happens for a reason.
So while in line to buy snacks, My ex boyfriend Jesus walks by with his girlfriend.
I havent seen him in over a year and the sight of him makes my eyes light up and my heart begin to pound and brings this amazing smile to my face that I havent seen since January.
I could not believe it was actually him.
At that moment, seeing him, my boyfriend not showing up was the last thing on my mind.
It brought back some of the most amazing memories ever.
So whats the deal with him?
I dated him in 8th grade, and he was my first boyfriend.
he was the first love.
To this day sometimes i still have days that i miss him like crazy.
anyways we have a long history that is just so amazing. we had a good relationship but an even better friendship.
He was my best friend that year.
After we broke up, he got a new girl and she made him stop talking to me, and he did for a while.
then one day he came up to me and hugged me. it was suuch an amazing hug.
all he said was "im sorry" and i knew what he meant. he was sorry for leaving me and ignoring me for her.
anyways so now we go to two different schools and we hardly talk.
Seeing him made me happy. I wont lie.
It definitely made up for my boyfriend not going.
As for the movie, we watched Jack and Jill. So cute.
We went to jack in the box afterward.
I enjoyed myself very much.
(:
Tonights a memory night.
Memories keep flooding into my mind, and although im content with my life now, i miss it back then.
<3

Thanksgiving Break..

So far is off to an amazing start. My friend Marcos who's in San Antonio for college is coming home on Tuesday, and we have plans to hang out on Friday :D Then my boyfriend and I made plans to go to the movies on Tuesday. Im sleeping in. Im practicing all my routines. Im actually relaxing, and stress free. I love this feeling. I think college will be a bit like this. Speaking of, a college in Minnesota sent me a letter :D Im just enjoying everything right now :3

That feeling..

when you remember something or someone and you miss them so much.
I'm having it noww!
Its terrible.
Want a story?
Once upon a time, there was a boy named Oscar and a girl named Brianna.
They were the best of friends and nothing could come in between their friendship.
Then one day, something or someone got in the way of their friendship.
Now they simply say their hellos and move on.
Sometimes Brianna wonders how Oscar could let go of such a great friendship.
Sometimes she thinks she did something to ruin it.
Other times she thinks he's so dumb and should really think about getting out of her life.
But on most days she wishes she had the courage to tell him she misses their friendship.
What hurts her, is that he acts like it never happened, but sometimes all she can think about is all the good times.
Brianna hopes that maybe one day things will go back to normal
The End.
See thats the short version of what happened between the two.
The long one... well its too long.
There was one day I was beyond sick and tired.
and Oscar and I were texting.
I dont really remember how it happened but he ended up calling me and singing until i fell asleep.
Today i listened to the song he sang.
I have not missed him this badly in a while.

<3

I Figured It All Out(:

Things with my boyfriend of almost two months are better today.
They were never bad, but things just felt weird.
Today, I got this feeling, and things just make sense.
I never knew why I would always push him away from me, then go back and hug him tight.
Or why whenever he tries to say "I love you" i change the subject.
It makes sense now!!
Im just scared.
Scared of getting used to having him around and calling him my boyfriend to just to lose him.
Today when he walked me to third period, He accidentally kissed my neck instead of my cheek.
I got this feeling like I couldnt feel the floor.
On the after school bus, I could not stop smiling.
I wanted to be no where else than where I was, which was with him.
I cant finally admit that he makes me happy.
I dont mean "Happy" I mean HAPPY.
He's a total sweet heart, and I understand why I always treat him so badly.
Im scared to admit that I love him, but I think I really like him.
It all makes sense now, and I figured it all out.
I'm glad it wasnt too late(: <3

Explore, Dream, and Discover

It's one of those moods. I dont quite know how I'm feeling. All I know is that it's not a good mood. I wish i could complain about how much MY life sucks, but I know it's not that bad.
Sure I grew up without a dad, 3/4 of the country did too. Sure our financial status was below average for a while, 40% of Americas was too. Sure I left all my friends in California to move to dumb old Texas. I'm sure im not the only one.
I used to cut myself, I'm not the only teen girl who thinks thats going to fix things.
I used to be bolimic, again, im not the only one.
I used to skip meals all the time.
Im not "confessing" all of this for pitty, im doing it because as hard as I think my life is, i know im not the only one.
My point is, instead of resorting to one of my old "tricks" I'm resorting to this. to inspiring whoever reads this, and pray that they dont make the same mistakes I did.
As upset and stressed out as I am, and as tempting it is to stay away from those bad habits, and how hard it is, I do my absolute best. Do I slip up? Of course.
I've been in school for about 2 and a half months.
I've eatten lunch about 20 times.
I just miss being completely happy, but im glad my friends help me through a lot.
I honestly cannot wait for summer. This summer im taking my driving classes, and getting extra credits, and if all goes well, I might go out to Penn State to look at the campus. I might even go to UCLA.
Right now, thats whats getting me through school, knowing that im that much closer to leaving <3
So, thanks for listening <3
Facebook?

365?

So I've been debating if I want to do 365 or not. You know, the thing where you post 365 pictures, one for every day of the year? I mean, I love pictures, and I love looking back over time and seeing my personal growth. That's partially why I started this blog. So that a year from today I can read this and laugh at how dumb 365 is. Or not :3
Well anyways it was just a thought that floated into my mind. I guess this post is going to be an introduction into my life. So, My names Brianna :3
My nicknames Banana Berry.
Im 15 and a sophomore.
I do color guard/winter guard (you know, the girls on the football games with the flags :3)
and cheerleading.
Im also in BPA (Business Professionals of America) and a TCSO Explorer.
I plan on going to a four year university next year.
I plan on graduating with a 3.8 or higher, and i plan to graduate a year early.
I plan on getting my college dues paid for through scholarships.
I dont really have one best friend, i have a little group of people i trust with my life.
A few names you'll hear a lot are: Casey, Lexi R, Lexi L, Oscar, Martin, Chino, and Mariah.
Most of these names are for good reasons, one is usually for bad, and one... it simply depends on my mood. Of course i'll talk about more than just them but they're the main gang :3
So I mean thats all there is to know about me :3
Add me on Facebook? :D

The grass is always greener...

Usually when people hear this, they're thinking about how much their life sucks and how someone always has it better right? Switch the thinking. You're the one who has it a million times better than many people. I woke up today with that on my mind and I realized that I need to be more grateful for what I have, and even more grateful for what is not yet mine.